This is hard... But damnit

 As much as I want my family to back off with certain things, it is different not having their input on everything, or them being so controlling and overly occupying themselves with my life. But I more than realize that is the first step in ending the cycle. Also, me feeling this way is what they want me to feel, so I can apologize for ever questioning them and telling them to get off my back. So, I definitely have to force myself to stop giving them permission to control my thoughts and feelings. When I say, I want and need total independence from them in order to thrive, I'm not just talking about physically moving, I need mental and emotional freedom too. Certain things I express, are deeper than how others even care to receive.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Starting Anew

So full of it ... Contradictions... Lies... Manipulation... Control... It's so funny how you grow up thinking the world of these people, and one day you realize how toxic it really is. How in the world are you judging me and my friends, and what we do with our lives,when you don't even have it all together yourself. Why are y'all not helping me grow, or haven't yet in all these years, but focused on everything else under the sun. Why are y'all so damn judgmental?? Why do I have to always be in the middle of y'all bs. I'm tired of feeling stagnant being around y'all, and feeling like I have to tell y'all my every move. I'm clear on what I feel, and I don't care if you guys understand or not. I'm done trying to explain myself and it not meaning anything. It goes in one ear and out the other. You guys can think what you want at this point. I use to want to fix communication and the issues in our relationship... But talking to y'all doesn...
Read more

Goodnight.

 Today was interesting. Yes, I went off on my mom. I don't want to judge myself too much because my environment contributed to my explosion. It kind of was bound to happen sooner than later. I don't know what normal is, but I know that I don't need to feel this way about my family. It's heartbreaking to feel like I can't get no understanding from people who mean so much. I hope people truly analyzed what I was saying, but if not, then it won't be surprising. I've been let down countless times, but it hurts deeply when it's by your family. And I don't see the accountability. And just for the record, I'm not negating any positive things they have done. I am thankful, but I'm not trying to hold back anymore. It's not rocket science what I express, but you would think it was. And just remember that I don't forget. Forgiveness and forgetting are two different things and regardless it's my journey. No one can tell me how to heal. 
Read more

IT IS WHAT IT IS

I definitely have a reason to react the way I am, can't nobody tell me differently. I have tried everything to make things work, but y'all want things y'all way at the expense of others, and mad cause they are NOT AND WON'T EVER BE. Y'ALL CONVIENTLY FORGET THAT I HAVE BOWED DOWN TO Y'ALL FOR SO LONG, BEING COMPLETELY COMPLAINT, AND HAVEN'T STOOD UP FOR MYSELF UNTIL NOW. OF COURSE Y'ALL DIDN'T EVER BARGAIN FOR ME TO NOTICE THE MANIPULATIVE BEHAVIOR Y'ALL WERE DOING MY ENTIRE LIFE. LET'S STOP PLAYING AND ACKNOWLEDGING. YES, I AM GETTING DISTANT AND BREAKING TIES WITH Y'ALL. IF I WERE Y'ALL, NEVERMIND, I'M NOT GOING TO CONTINUE TO TELL Y'ALL HOW TO TREAT ME. MY FEELINGS DON'T MATTER! THEY NEVER DID. THE PRETENDING WAS COMICAL. Y'ALL ARE AND WERE THE FIRST PEOPLE TO USE ME, UNDER THE DISGUISE OF HELPING AND PROTECTING, SO HOW DARE Y'ALL DEFLECT AND SAY OTHERS ARE USING ME. THAT'S REALLY FUNNY BECAUSE I FEEL MORE PO...
Read more