Stay Afloat

I'm trying to keep my head above water; I am hanging on by a thread. Despite the other challenges life gives me, I am dealing with my toxic and manipulative family. I'm beyond tired of their contradictions and nonchalant words and actions. They are so controlling and overbearing, and it is pushing me away. The deflection and the lack of accountability they display, pisses me off. I definitely feel at this point that they are well aware of what they are doing, so why and how did they not think I was going to catch on to their shady ways eventually?? Now they're mad because I'm exposing and defending myself against all the toxicity they're throwing my way. They want me to be stagnant, just like all of them, and continue to be miserable. They just want me to believe that they truly want want the best for me, but their actions say otherwise. I'm so prone to negative judgments that even though they make me feel sad and misunderstood, their judgement also serves as a motivation to strive for progression and stop letting them hold me back. They definitely have no right to judge me, as many mistakes as they have made. In addition to the many problems I have with them, they are also trying to come in between these meaningful relationships I have built, and I do not respect or like that whatsoever.